I am consistently at the edge of my seat (not 100% the right metaphor but close enough) when I read your words--they are just so compelling and alive.
"I catch myself fawning with my body & I immediately go to “correct” it, but I don’t want to go around puffed up & on the defensive, either, because that’s not a way to build or heal relationships." This landed hard. I'm curious if you sometimes beat yourself up, too, when you catch yourself fawning? I can get punishingly stuck there.
Also this made me SO happy because I knew with every fiber of my being what you meant: "I feel them differently the way I feel everything differently now, & it’s not the manic Everything Is Drenched With Fucking Significance either, this is just being an alive human & noticing noticing noticing, the sacredness in everything."
Oh yeah I do beat myself over it! And then I remind myself, you are an animal, you protected yourself & it worked. Thank you so much for this comment, & I’m glad you know what I mean because eeeeeeee! Being alive!
I am consistently at the edge of my seat (not 100% the right metaphor but close enough) when I read your words--they are just so compelling and alive.
"I catch myself fawning with my body & I immediately go to “correct” it, but I don’t want to go around puffed up & on the defensive, either, because that’s not a way to build or heal relationships." This landed hard. I'm curious if you sometimes beat yourself up, too, when you catch yourself fawning? I can get punishingly stuck there.
Also this made me SO happy because I knew with every fiber of my being what you meant: "I feel them differently the way I feel everything differently now, & it’s not the manic Everything Is Drenched With Fucking Significance either, this is just being an alive human & noticing noticing noticing, the sacredness in everything."
Oh yeah I do beat myself over it! And then I remind myself, you are an animal, you protected yourself & it worked. Thank you so much for this comment, & I’m glad you know what I mean because eeeeeeee! Being alive!